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LOVE BOMB

Do you fall in love hard and fast? Three signs you're an emophiliac − & five ways to break the destructive lust cycle

 If this happens often, you may have emophilia, AKA a tendency to fall in love quickly and with just about anyone.

And experts warn it can have a negative impact on mental health, leaving people vulnerable and trapped in toxic relationships, or see them darting from one relationship to the next, constantly chasing the thrill of early attraction or that feeling of falling in love.

"When you first fall for someone, you get that rush of the feel-good hormone, serotonin," says Sarah Louise Ryan, dating and relationship expert, matchmaker and psychotherapist.

"This phase of romantic love is really the rose-tinted glasses phase. You are falling for the newness of these just-discovered feelings, just as much as you're falling for the actual person. This is because new and different people bring out different parts of us." 

There's nothing wrong with these emotions, though they do simmer down as we build a relationship.

"In reality, when that spark fades, that is when the real relationship begins," says Sarah.

"But those with emophilia don't ever want that feeling to fizzle out, which can lead them into a volatile position romantically. They either never fully commit and move on to the next partner, or they date multiple people to discover who they have the biggest spark with, all in search of the rush."

The emotional fallout from this pattern can be huge.

The good news is it's possible to stop and change your thinking and actions.

Love At First Sight?

But whatever happened to "love at first sight", you might wonder?

Genuine love at first sight is an instant attraction to someone you might share common values with, find intriguing and are physically attracted to.

It can be with someone who feels safe and calm.

But emophilia is falling in love with the feeling of lust, attention, validation and connection, rather than the person.

"That need for attachment can be intoxicating, but it's important to get to know the person you've fallen for on a deeper level," Sarah says.

"You will feel anxiety when you're not getting that serotonin burst, but if you follow these steps before becoming emotionally attached so quickly, you'll feel better."

When Emophilia Becomes a Problem

 At a time when the dating world feels dire and "true love" is hard to find, is it really all that bad if someone is so open to connection?

The issue is that when emophiliacs fall, they tend not to question the relationship's long-term goals, values or red flags.

This can make them either more likely to jump ship or get stuck in a relationship that was doomed from the start.

"Falling for risky partners may seem appealing, but it can be dangerous when their aim is manipulation and destruction," explains Sarah.

"People with emophilia can be attracted to narcissists, who may lovebomb a new partner by showing excessive amounts of affection and attention. This would be ideal for a person with emophilia. Because they think they're in love, emophiliacs are likely to overlook warnings or advice, even from trusted family and friends. However, when red flags aren't addressed, over time they can become more problematic."

Why Do you Fall so Hard?

Though the exact cause of emophilia is unknown, there are several possible theories.

"It is thought that low serotonin levels in the brain may contribute," says Sarah.

Serotonin is also implicated in conditions including depression and obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).

Some people may also be hypersensitive to oxytocin," adds Sarah.

Also known as the love hormone, oxytocin creates feelings of trust and a desire to care.

Falling in love quickly is also a shared experience of people with ADHD, which may be linked with the disorder's symptoms of impulsivity.

But it may just be a personality trait.

For some, there is excitement to be found in the chaos, and boredom in the monotony.

FIVE WAYS TO BREAK UP WITH EMOPHILIA

Overcoming the need to chase the rush of falling for someone isn't easy, as many of our relationship desires are ingrained.

"I would ask an emophiliac: 'Is it working for you?'", Sarah says.

"If the answer is yes, and you're happy flitting from one relationship to another, keep doing what you are doing. If the answer is no, I'd recommend these tips."

1. Go Cold Turkey

If you are a serial dater, go cold turkey − including no sex or romantic relations − to focus on yourself.

Discover the qualities you like in yourself and note the ways in which you are capable without having a significant other.

Then, pick up conscious dating when the time is right.

"When you find the confidence to make the right choices, you will no longer let your drive for a feeling choose for you," says Sarah.

"It will be hard work, but worth it."

2. Spot The Red Flags

Some red flags are universal.

For example, a lack of respect or signs of attempting to control another person.

However, others will be more specific to you.

For example, how do you feel about their financial situation, living arrangements, family set-up or beliefs?

It's easy for a friend to say: "That's a red flag", but ask yourself if it really is for you.

Write down your deal-breakers, then ensure when connecting with someone that you ask the questions that will unveil these warning signs.

3. Note What Hasn't Worked

Sit back and really think about the patterns you have fallen into with each romantic partner.

What happened? Where did it go wrong? Self-awareness is important in the decision-making process.

If necessary, write out an action plan for the next time someone catches your attention.

4. Listen To Friends

You may get so caught up in the rush of a new partner that you forget the concerns of those closest to you.

Take time to speak to a family member or friend who knows you well and has historically given you honest advice.

Run through any worries or ask for feedback on new partners.

Your friends don't have to love or even like your partner, but if they have concerns about them, it's worth hearing them.

This can be a failing for people with emophilia, who can only see the positives of a new crush.

5. Consult A Therapist

Therapists or counsellors can help you to understand and manage emophilia.

"Therapists help bring you into the here and now and find internal validation, rather than seeking external validation from others," says Sarah.

"That means that those with emophilia can consciously connect with themselves and with others when dating."

https://www.thesun.co.uk/health/35847187/love-marriage-relationshipscouples-emophiliac-lust-cycle

Text 7A1-I  

Charles Schulz. Peanuts. January 30, 1987. Internet: <www.gocomics.com> (adapted). 

Read the text below and answer the questions that follow.

Text

Should schools just say no to pupils using phones?

14th July 2024

Natalie Grice – BBC News

“I wouldn’t say it’s a good thing for a child never to have a smartphone. I think it’s part of a balanced life. You’ve got to live in your own time.”

These are not the words you might expect to hear from a teacher at a school that has never in its history allowed pupils under sixth form age to use a mobile phone on the premises.

But Sarah Owen, deputy head at Stanwell School in Penarth, Vale of Glamorgan, was simply expressing a personal opinion, rather than the school’s view about a young person’s wider life.

It is clear that she and the school have very firm opinions on what is best for children while they are on school grounds.

For Stanwell pupils in years 7 to 11, that has always meant no phones. Not in lessons, not in the corridor, not at breaktimes.

It is such a long-established rule that it presumably comes as no surprise to pupils and parents when they join the school, which is starting to seem as if it may have been ahead of a growing curve.

In the past few years, a number of schools across Wales and further afield have introduced total bans on mobiles. While Stanwell only asks pupils to keep phones switched off in their bags, others require the devices to be handed in at the start of the day.

Llanidloes High School in Powys is one which has implemented this policy in the past few years and Ysgol Penrhyn Dewi in St Davids, Pembrokeshire, followed suit at the start of this year.

Sarah Owen has been at Stanwell School since 2000 and says that there has always been a no phone policy in the school. For Sarah, it is a question not of trying to impinge on their students’ freedom, but of giving them vital time away from mobile life, for welfare as well as educational reasons.

“We genuinely believe this is in their best interests,” she said. “Phone addiction and screen addiction and scrolling, the loss of concentration, the loss of soft skills around listening and interacting with others, that’s something we need to be concerned about as a society generally.”

“We want children to be interacting with each other, having conversations, playing football, having those connections and interactions with other people.”

Sarah also believes it gives pupils relief from the possibility of being “photographed, filmed, mocked in some way – that’s not a nice way for children to live”. She said she wanted her pupils to have “some sanctuary from the anxiety of feeling so scrutinised and looked at”. 

Adapted from: https://www.bbc.com/news/articles

Read Text I and answer question..

TEXT I

Source: https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes

Read the text to answer the question from. 

    It happens that the publication of this edition of the Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary comes 250 years after the appearance of the first comprehensive dictionary of the English language, compiled by Samuel Johnson. Much has changed since then. The English that Johnson described in 1755 was relatively well defined, still essentially the national property of the British. Since then, it has dispersed and diversified, has been adopted and adapted as an international means of communication by communities all over the globe. English is now the name given to an immensely diverse variety of different usages. This obviously poses a problem of selection for the dictionary maker: which words are to be included in a dictionary, and thus granted recognition as more centrally or essentially English than the words that are left out?

     Johnson did not have to deal with such diversity, but he too was exercised with this question. In his Plan of an English Dictionary, published in 1747, he considers which words it is proper to include in his dictionary; whether ‘terms of particular professions’, for example, were eligible, particularly since many of them had been derived from other languages. ‘Of such words,’ he says, ‘all are not equally to be considered as parts of our language, for some of them are naturalized and incorporated, but others still continue aliens...’. Which words are deemed to be sufficiently naturalized or incorporated to count as ‘parts of our language’, ‘real’ or proper English, and thus worthy of inclusion in a dictionary of the language, remains, of course, a controversial matter. Interestingly enough, even for Johnson the status of a word in the language was not the only, nor indeed the most important consideration. For being alien did not itself disqualify words from inclusion; in a remark which has considerable current resonance he adds: ‘some seem necessary to be retained, because the purchaser of the dictionary will expect to find them’. And, crucially, the expectations that people have of a dictionary are based on what they want to use it for. What Johnson says of his own dictionary would apply very aptly to The Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary (OALD): ‘The value of a work must be estimated by its use: It is not enough that a dictionary delights the critic, unless at the same time it instructs the learner...’.

(Widdowson, H. Hornby, A.S. 2010. Adaptado)