Far from being selfless gestures, giving gifts creates a personal debt

    It would be nice to believe that gifts are genuine tokens of affection, given without any expectation of recompense. (Indeed, Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “gift” as something “voluntarily transferred” and “without compensation.”) But if you’ve ever had the niggling sense that something other than selflessness drives the presents you dutifully exchange with friends and family, then sociology has your back.

    Dimitri Mortelmans, sociology professor at Antwerp University in Belgium, explains that there is far more to gifting than meets the eye. “Gift-giving is one of the ancient early topics in sociology,” he says. “There’s a whole world behind gift-giving that goes very close to the basics of living together.” Gift giving, after all, is a physical symbol of a personal relationship and an expression of social ties that bring individuals together.

    Far from being voluntary, the 20th century French sociologist Marcel Mauss argues that presents are tied up with strict obligations. “To refuse to give, to fail to invite, just as to refuse to accept, is tantamount to declaring war; it is to reject the bond of ___________ and ___________,” he wrote in his 1925 essay “The Gift.” A present is a token of a relationship and a wish to continue that relationship and so, in rejecting a gift, the offer of extended friendship is also rebuffed.

    This gift exchange can be summarized by the Latin phrase: Do Ut des: “I give because I expect you to give something back.”

    We see such attitudes among families and friends, where each person gives out presents worth roughly the same price. This behavior is particularly obvious in the more pressured stakes of a new romantic relationship, where buying an overly lavish present (or a particularly stingy one) could send the wrong signal and cause upset.

    A gift doesn’t necessarily have to be exchanged for another gift. “You don’t need to repay the things given to you in a material way. You can also be nice or perform some other kind of behavior,” says Mortelmans. So for example, someone who can’t afford to buy a gift in return might be especially affectionate or helpful.

https://qz.com/... - adapted.